Letting Go
I wish i could put them in simple words for you. Recently, I've been fighting myself mentally and emotionally and I realised I need to rid of this distraction. So maybe I really do not bother anymore, which is good for me. You see, I need some breathing space, time to be alone by myself and ultimately, time to prepare for the impending big As. I guess I'm very sensible after all. I will not yield to manipulation and possession. Time to assert my feelings and rights. JC life has been an uphill struggle. Not just work, but friendships. The course of maintaining them or simply throwing them away or avoid insulting one another when things turn sour. I guess I have myself to blame. I invlove myself in matters I should have just let go. Letting go is very important. It releases you from unncessary pain and burden.
My 4 years in IP has been undeniably interesting. I do not regret the friendships I've made. I think everyone has made a huge impact in my life (knowingly or not). I can say that IP sucks cus it didn't provide me enough or that I lost out in many ways such as the Olevels and the sec 4 bonding period. But NO! I will not. My IP years has given me many wonderful insights and opportunities. The ups and downs I've experienced have made me appreciate things better, made me stronger and resilient. Yes, I had nasty times. Yes, I've been nasty countless times. But I'm taking all in, breathing it, living it, loving it.
It's 6 hours to farewell assembly. I'm feeling the nostalgia and heartache. It's so typical. These parting moments...
“There seems to be a kind of order in the universe, in the movement of the stars and the turning of the earth and the changing of the seasons, and even in the cycle of human life. But human life itself is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own rights and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own.” - Katherine Anne Porter
Indeed.
We all fail, in so many ways, to please others and ourselves. Be it actions or words, they can be mistaken or ignored. Sometimes, or perhaps, all the time, we fuss over the trivial. To be smart not stupid, to be thin not fat, to be beautiful not ugly, to be accepted not outcast, to be loved not rejected, to be with company not alone. I look in the mirror and wonder how life’s experiences have moulded me to take this form. Am I a hypocrite, a liar, a backstabber or an enemy? I can’t deny that I am all these because I have been them before. I’m sure you too. I chase my dreams, yet when I get there, I take them for granted. Like they were meant to be mine in the first place. I guess I just like the chase but when the adrenaline fades, the thrills gone.
The fire dies.
