JC life isn’t easy. Ip one and two were merely transition stages. Yes, it was sheer fun. We played almost everyday, drowned ourselves in each other’s company, shared secrets and gossiped and so on. These 2 years have, however, proven to be really challenging.
Firstly, taking on floorball is exhausting, requires a whole lot of discipline and energy, but rewarding. Now, I find myself having to step up to new challenges, fighting my insecurities, just taking on the world bit by bit.
Secondly, coping with my subject combi BCME has been mentally tiring and boring. I don’t know how to express my dissatisfaction. Friends tell me it’s interesting, that I’m just being negative, that I should learn to just accept my decision and mug for it. They don’t understand the internal struggle within – how I totally hate chemistry let alone biochemistry, how I hate reading about atoms and not being bale to fathom how people even came up with the terminology ‘atoms’ or ‘operons’ or what have u. I obviously wasn’t an avid science student. I did much better in humanities. So why did I freaking choose the sciences? It was not a choice. On the day we had to register our subjects, I simply stared at the screen and it took my less than 5 seconds to click for BCME. I seriously have no idea why I made that decision. Some people already made their decisions long before JC1 started. For me, I never gave it much thought or any thought for that matter. At that time, it didn’t seem important to me. I never considered the consequences of the action. It came by and passed me by as an ordinary decision – like that of drinking pepsi or cola. Now, as the reality sinks in, I regret my decision. I wish I could veto it (like how US vetoes stuff) or turn back time or extend the hours of the day (like Hermoine’s cool time turner gadget).
Thirdly, taking H3 econs is no easy task. At times, I feel unworthy of being a H3 student. I do have the passion for econs. I enjoy the topics I’m learning. I want a career in econs. But, my passion doesn’t translate into solid work – readings, proper research, looking up on statistics, reading the economist (hah). I want them to materialize. Yet, I’m a number 1 procrastinator. Maybe it’s because I prioritize other things above econs. For example, I love watching movies. Nowadays, my movie routine has been disrupted for many reasons. Basically, I love watching sad movies, poignant, moving, heartrending love stories that send a chill up your spine, to your throat and your brain. I love Victorian period movies – pride and prejudice, emma, the forsyte saga to name a few. YES, I am a romantic. As you can see, other hobbies are top of the agenda. The rest fall below.
Fourthly, friendships are hard to juggle. It’s good to talk things over once in a while with each other about relationships. Considering the events that have just occurred, it has dawned on me that life can be really complicated at times. Trying to maintain platonic friendships and yet trying to avoid offending the other party are certainly difficult tasks to handle. For now, I’m just dealing with whatever comes. Anyway, it’s an uncanny coincidence! Justin Har is in my tuition class? We seem to always bump into each other?! Hah.
Only the songs in my player that genuinely reflect my thoughts are those that I actually listen to. Other than that, they’re just mere noises to accompany me on the train, bus and books.
